The night's clouds are so beautiful, aren't they?

Today was a good day, had lunch with Sara & had a nice chat with Kim Le.
I went and bought a huge bottle of apple juice for myself. Why?.

It's almost the end of '09. The year went by pretty fast. I hope to remember to start putting 2010 on my papers. Probably not. Hahaha, today. I walked and walked. With no where to go. How much did I walk? I don't know. It got dark though. For how long? I don't know. I realized I don't know a lot of things anymore. I don't know, but I wonder. I wonder if you're blind. Haha, can't be. You're not blind, you know. The world just doesn't always work in my favor. I give up. You've probably wanted me too. So for this New Year's resolution?

• Stop hoping for useless crap, it's a waste of time.
  
• No more spending countless hours on aim and facebook.
• Limit the amount of sweets as a source of snack

Once school starts again, my schedule will be.
- 6:00 wake up. shower. get ready for school. eat breakfast.
- 7:10 leave the house.
- 7:35~2:35 School.
- 3:00 - 5:00 Tennis practice.
- 5:30 - 7:30 Gym.
- 7:30-8:15 Shower, eat.
- 8:15 - 12 Homework.
-12:00 - 6:00 Sleep.

That'll leave me no time to do anything else but school, eat, sleep, tennis, gym. There's no chance for anything to happen. How long will I be able to keep this up. Who knows, what's in my mind changes from to to time.

I'm walking in 2010 with a different mindset. But for now, it's time to drink my apple juice. Buhhbyees.

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pulchritudinous

Pulchritudinous - Characterized by or having great physical beauty and appeal.
Thanks Trammie for the new word. Too bad I can't pronounce it. =D

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Polarity.

I just realized that... it takes a huge effort to be happy. Too much effort.

I'm tired of trying to go up to talk to people, because I know if I don't, they'll probably never come up to me to start a conversation with me, thus no relationship. However, i'm not going to be out there anymore. If you want to talk to me, come find me. If you don't, so be it.

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bash.org

#414593 +(17566)- [X]

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

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Record your memories: Snow.

Yipee, winterbreak! (:

Soo the Friday before winterbreak was a good one. Party in first, party in second, movie in 3rd, noclass/snuck in avid party during 4th. All filled with delicious food, yum! (: Thanks you An for the cake, Misaye for the teddybear + turtle toy, Jessica for the 616 little stars + cupcakes, and Sara for the card (I still can't find the turtle...).

Soo that day; David, Kevin, Andrew, Li, and Denzil came over to spend a night because we were to leave around 5 the next morning. I have no idea what we did, but everyone slept around 1ish, and me and david stayed up 'till 2. We then woke up at 4ish. and got ready. Nishant and Megan came over, nishant late as usual D: Left the house around 5:15. David driving, Myself riding shotgun, and then andrew and kevin in one car and Megan driving, Nishant riding shotgun, and li and denzl in the other car. Nshant fails, he doesn't know that whoever rides in the passenger seat is suppose to keep the driver awake. First, we went to mcdonalds for some breakfast, got there around 5:30. Nishant was excited because he was their first customer of the day, lolol. After getting McDonalds, we left on our 1:30 hour drive to Davis, yipee! (: Kevin and Andrew slept in our car while i kept david awake, and Megan said that everyone in her car slept. She took a wrong turn because of it, lolxP. Got around my brother's place in Davis at around 6:50. My brother told me we were to be there at 7:00, or they'd leave withous us... they weren't even awake yet. Took them about an 45 minutes to get ready. Left Davis to Sugarbowl at around 7:45, but stopped by McDonalds around 8 because them college kids were hungry. ._. Got to Sugarbowl around... 9:15? Mann, once i stepped outside the car with the fresh, snowy air it was exhilirating. While everyone went to get their rentals and stuff, me and David went to go snowboard. Went down Mt. Judah around 3 times, then met up with andrew since it took him awhile to get his rentals. Went down another 3 times on Mt. Judah, and met up with them noobies. Haha, I went off course so that I can get to the bunny slopes faster (: Andrew was like WTF?! because i went through trees D: If i had messed up, i woulda been stuck in soft snow. Met up with them noobies, and saw them snowboard and chilled for like an hour, since they went back to the car and stuffs. After that, I took them all to Mt. Jerome! Hahaha, what a huge step. The ski lift itself when compared to the bunny slopes they were on is already like a roller coaster. LOL. Kevin, Nishant, Megan and Denzil improved a lot! They can get down the mountain pretty well. Li, he had some troubles D: David had to stick with him a lot to help him. Hahaha, ohh soo li was on the ground and i saw him, so i was lke, PERFECT CHANCE TO SPRAY HIM WITH THE SNOW. soo, i sprayed him by going down hecka fast but stopping abruptly, so that snow spills over him :D yeah, i am mean. Friggen Andrew was tailing me so once i carved to the right, he did so too. Soo, i went into a perfect stop and gently tapped li. out of no where, since there was no snow on the ground and mainly ice since i scooped it up with my boar and is now on li, andrew goes and hits me, and hits li XP It hurt, and he scraped my pinky D: It's all good though, i feel bad for li. Haha, it was all good though. We snowboarded 'till like 1:30 and we took a lunch break. I called sara (: but she was tired, so we didn't talk long. We ended the break around 2:30. Haha, the last two hours were crazy. Me and Andrew sped through the whole thing. We did a couple of races, i one like once out of hecka times ._. He's too reckless for me XP Went down some black diamonds and such. attempted some jumps. so scary. My carving got a lot better (: We left Sugarbowl to davis around 6, got to davis around 7:30. Bought some Pizza, and and chilled with my brothers and his friends. Mann, that was the worst night ever. Davis was really cold, and my brother had no extra blankets. ._. Everyone in my groups was sleeping on the floor w/o blankets. hecka ghetto. We weren't prepared since we thought we were just going to go home, but we were tireed, so we spent a night. Woke up around 9, everyone freezing. Left Davis to my house around 10, got to my house around 11:20. Nishant, Megan, Denzil and Li bounced. David, andrew, kevin, and I went to buy some KFC and watched the Raiders game. That was fun...

Haha, oh yeah, on the way back from Sugarbowl to Davis the craziest things happened. First we took a pit stop and got gas. While in there, there were these white old ladies employee accidently put gas on the wrong one. You see, they put it where the an African American had paid so he got like 14 cents extra <- wtf?! The white ladies were all complaining and was like, JUST BECAUSE WE PUT IT THERE, YOU SHOULDN'T PUMP IT! wait, wtf? How'd he know. Everyone that was argueing against him was white. If it was a white guy that made this mistake, would the same outcome happen? Me and David was standing in the middle. I didn't want to get shot D: Sorry for judging, but this guy was wearing a red bandana on his head, standing at like 6 foot something. David was thinking, fawk man. i just want my change! LOL. We got out safely, and saw a cop pull in o_o. wow, 14 cents. Soo, like two minutes later, we saw a helicopter on the highway, just flashing a light on the peoples, i guess they were looking for someone? o_o creepy. another 2 minutes later david was on the car pool lane. he was going to switch to the right but out of no wheres, this white girl in front of us makes a TIGHT ASS MERGE to the right. it was like, wtf? the car literally went straight to the right. Not cool. Whatabtich, cause she was trying to block david. sheeeeee was a crazypath. (:

Haha, andd, i slept in davis without a pillow. I still have a stiff neck because of it D: soo gay. back is kinda sore because of andrew hitting me too ._.

&&that was about my break, rested the rest of sunday, besides a little tennis. Plans on Monday canceled, && it rained so i couldn't play tackle football with my brother, his friends, and my friends. I ended up doing some hw, and working a little. Soo, how was your guys break? (: do tell.

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Blood.

Today, I donated blood for the first time. I felt fine after though. Very tired. It's possibly because I only had maybe an hour or two of sleep due to insomniac reasons ._.

Will you enter my heart and stay?
Or would you break it and fly away.

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12/11/09.

Winter ball was fun (: Thank you Sara for coming along.

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._.

23 IDs. 1st and 2nd body paragraph for history essay. Physics homework.

Stress has been building up since I came back from break. Then this weekend when I was planning relieve me from it by doing homework a little earlier, I heard some bad news, so I got depressed. I can't do my homework when i'm depressed so i put it aside, which made me now get more stressed. Which makes me more depressed. And since I now have to stress over homework, i'm getting stress over my relations with people. I'm also getting depressed that I can't hang out with the remainder of his stay. I don't even know what to do anymore. I don't want to do anything. Sleep? Ah, to bad I have to much homework. I think it's time to put off uncessary things untill I pull my shit together. Bleh, can't tennis for awhile. Tata for now?

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o_o.

#522. Someone who gives me reason to believe in happy endings #1. Someone to hold my hand because they want to, not because they feel obligated to. http://achoiceinthematter.tumblr.com/post/76227473/1

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I wonder...

who actually reads my blog o_o. Hello dear reader, you need to understand that I write here because I really am forgetful, and would like to preserve my memories somehow. By reading, please don't judge me to heavily, for I look back at them and think "what were you thinking when you were writing this?" And then I laugh. (: at my self...

Haha, I wonder if you ever read this. If you do, I am sorry. I've tried acting normal this week. I did? Well sorta. But i'll be honest. I don't know if I can just be how I really want to be around you now. I always think about what I do, about what i say, before I actually do it now. If I am myself, i just let my happy self take over me and just say whatever's on my mind. I just can't do that comfortably anymore. Why? Because I know if I do, I know i'll still like you. And I can't. I musn't. You're just so cute (: Buhbyes. Once you leave my heart, you'll find that the door is locked.

Haha, I have a stupid logic, but 'Once I move on, i'm never going to turn back. And by that, i'll never like someone twice. That's just how I roll? Haha, but I also believe that there's an exception to everything. I'm complicated, thanks.

I drink apple juice when i'm sad.

I am Huynh (8:18:19 PM):	yipeeee. im sleepy.
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:18:24 PM):	xD
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:18:25 PM):	go to sleep?
I am Huynh (8:18:29 PM):	i just might x_x.
I am Huynh (8:18:34 PM):	but i dont want too.
I am Huynh (8:18:35 PM):	>_>
I am Huynh (8:18:39 PM):	i feel like tomorrow is going to suck.
I am Huynh (8:18:51 PM):	if i sleep, it'll come faster :/
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:19:03 PM):	aww
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:19:06 PM):	whyy?D:
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:19:10 PM):	tomorrow is..thurs
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:19:11 PM):	no
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:19:12 PM):	fri
I am Huynh (8:19:21 PM):	mhmm.
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:19:35 PM):	last day before weekendd
I am Huynh (8:19:45 PM):	yeahh x_x.
I am Huynh (8:19:50 PM):	Its going to suck :[
I am Huynh (8:19:59 PM):	i mean i mean
I am Huynh (8:20:05 PM):	its going to be the best day evar..
I am Huynh (8:20:11 PM):	=D?.
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:20:45 PM):	xD
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:20:46 PM):	hahax]
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:20:48 PM):	fake smile!
I am Huynh (8:20:58 PM):	._.
lonlyxlilxgirl (8:21:33 PM):	xD

My friday sucked. I woke up shivering, i never shiver. Right when i left the house, I spilted my waterbottle, half of it spilted. I put a towel on it then left. I forgot my brownie bottom cheesecakes. Cristina got mad at me. I got pissy. Then I had an argument with Kevin cause I was pissy. It was stupid. And then i realize that, everything just can't be the same. If I dissappear, would you miss me?

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Apple juice.

Yum. Apple juice... The last time I had you as an addiction was when I had to get over something (: I think I love you more. Too bad you'll make me gulp 1000 calories worth of you in a single day. If i get a little fatter these couple of days, you'll know why ._.

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Ahem.

Hmm. Yay, i took a 30 minute shower. Very long, I know ._. I should feel ashamed of myself.

How am I suppose to feel right now? Happy? Content? Alright? Angry? Mad? Sad? I don't know. I'm happy for them. I honestly am. I just can't be next to them. I honestly can't.

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I'm a great liar.

If i had told you a lie, you'd probably believe me. If I had faked you a smile, you'll probably believe it. Can I really be trusted? Even I find a way to deceive my own self.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

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Presto chango.

Can I really act like nothings changed? Oh wait, nothing has.

I want to be a turtle. I want to be able to hide in a shell. I will get me a turtle tattoo.

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...

awkward turtle.

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Give me a break... of that kitkat bar! (:

Yipee, i thought it deleted when my firefox crash but it saved onto drafts.

Haha, Thanksgiving break was, from what I can remember, hecka fun! Last monday, I went to borders, did some homework there then hung out with Samir, Thomas, and Tiffany. Me and Samir had some deep ass conversations. Hahaha. We thought that was fun, so the next day we decided to just hang out at the Hub, and Becky, Valentina, and Tram (val's cousin, who is hecka cool) joined along which made it like a gazillion times more fun. nom nom sushi. Wednesday... I have no idea what I did. Thursday, yum yum turkey. Played some Tackle football with some of the seniors and my brother and his friends (sophomores in college). Nishant, Kevin, Thomas, Li, Andrew, and Samir came over at like 10 and spent a night. Well, we didn't get any sleep and left the house at like 4:30 to go black friday shopping. I bought a jacket from express men and two jeans from anchor blue. Went to denny's at like 8. Came back to the mall by myself, everyone was dead tired, at around like 9ish to hang out with becky and her friend Ivy. She left me after like an hour then i fell asleep on a bench. Wowow, very dangerous, i could of gotten my things stolen :[ Went home... slept for like 6 hours. Theen that's about it? There was more homework involved but i forgot like most of what I did. I hope I didn't miss anything crucial.

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Buh Byes.

o_o.

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Goodnight

13 hour sleep, woke up at 8. 2-3 hour nap at around 5. In bed again and it's 10:45 pm. Why do I sleep so much? How can I sleep so much?.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

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I find it funny how people can move on without saying goodbye. Good times we had. I guess we've just grown apart. We said we wouldn't have, but even then I had a feeling that it wouldn't last forever. I hope that fate hadn't doomed upon us. Well, goodbye my dear friend, for I will surely miss you (: Too bad I still see you everyday.

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thanksgiving break

Thanksgiving break has finally begun. 9 days. Great start, slept 13 hours (: I have no idea how I want to spend the rest of it. Make plans? Hmm maybe. Spend it alone? Another great choice. I do have a lot of hw I can get ahead on. But that gets lonesome. Half&half it (: but for now, I think I'm going back to sleep.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

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Ambiguity.

Do I want to? Why wouldn't I. Why can't I? Why am I being so stupid. Why must I be so stupid. Thoughts spin around in circles around my head, but they are just thoughts. Stupid thoughts. I don't even know what I want, what I want to do, what I want to be. Shooooot. Whatevs. I'll let life play out on its own. Wait, thats a stupid thought; cause, being to passive... i'll just let everything slip away. Maybe I want to? Too bad no one knows what i'm talking about. Do I even know what i'm talking about? Thats ambiguity for you. There's so much meanings you can derive from this. Which shall you assume?

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Sisterly love.

My sister told me today i have mood swings but never pointed it out cause i'd just get angry. She said she usually just goes with it. "One day you're like WOOH YEEEEEE WOOOOH YEEEE. Another you're like... grr rawrr. If you weren't my brother, i'd think you're bipolar". D:< And... I guess I do have mood swings. ._.

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I.

I just realized that I really need to get my shit together. ._.

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Thieves.

I don't like thieves. When you take something that doesn't belong to you, you steal the rights of something of someone's possesisons without their knowledge. When you lie, you steal the rights of someone knowing the truth. When you murder, you stealing them away from those who love him, and his rights to live. When you cheat, you take the rights of fairness in a situation. I don't like thieves. One may say I hate them. Please don't be a thief, for I won't be able to look at you the same. This applies to no certain anyone.

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Boom.

Today was an easy day at school. However, I wanted it to end. I was singing at lunch. I never sing, unless i'm at the privacy of my own home, in Kevin's car <- HAHA. (:, when i hang out with misaye and dorothy, or when i'm playing tennis. But I was none of that. It just felt like an off day? Maybe it was because of Friday the 13th. Haha, bad luck day? Possible. Started practice late today. 3:15. I'm failing as a captain. I have to much on my mind this past week to lead this team into victory. Must beat Logan. Still. I can't function when that is on my mind. Well, we started conditioning. Didn't do any strength building. Some footwork though, so thats good. Everyone sweated even on this cold weather, which was a success. Lost to Nishant in a set. :/ He owned me. After thoughhh, rallied with Kevin. We were beasting. Had very long rallies. Nishant said we were hitting better than him and were hitting on a college level. Haha, yay for the confidence boost (: Afterwords, I went and got me a Thai Milk Tea from Quickly, and they went to get Taco bell and Vietnamese Sandwiches. I ate at home like a good boy. Then we watched G.I. Joe and played some Halo 3. Afterwards, we chitchatted. Good stuff. I'm sorry we didn't talk much sara :[ and anna, you lied to me, you were suppose to come to my practice!

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I'm sorry.

I think i say i'm sorry too much. It's possible that people have stop believing me, it's lost its meaning. But I hope that those that matters to me do.

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Sorries.

I'm sorry, I was being stupid.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

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I'm sorry, but i'm an assumer. Good bye, 'cause you'll be glad.

Just because i'm nice to girls, that means I try to get at them? That's how you guys really view me of as? I'll tell you straight about who've i truly liked in the past. 3rd grade, Mattos elementary ~ Tamara. Then I transferred to Durham in the 4th, and i liked Kayleen in the 5 and 6th grade. In the seventh grade i liked Margaret, and asked her out but she turned me down. 8th and 9th grade, i liked Misaye for two whole years. I've liked Dorothy at one point of time. 10th grade, i liked Kiana. That summer however, i liked Cynthia for a bit. And now I've liked you for like, 2 months? That's what, 8 people, in 9 years? I guess that's a bad ratio. However, you're entitled to your opinions and I understand why you believe that. Believe what you like, whom you like, i have no credibility. Do you know that you've actually hurt me the easiest and most? I actually teared up when i read your posts. The last time i did, was when my cousin pasted away. You're actually a person i'd like to be with. I almost had the courage to ask you out. Why do you think i fought so hard to walk you back? It would be so much easier if i didn't like you that much, but i can't just simply ignore you since you've done nothing wrong, you just dont feel tge same way. I feel like the bad person if i do so. Lmao, i sound like a queer. Don't worry though, I'm not mad at you. If I was, it'll be only be to myself, cause I'm stupid for going to deep.

Today is supposedly the epic wish day that happens once per year. 11/11, 11:11:11. Wishing brings false hope. But don't worry, now I know how you feel, I'll make your life a lot easier. Good bye. You have school to worry about.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

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Rawr.

Rawr. One word, that consist of 3 words, that consist of many unexplainable abstract feelings. I'm tired. Goodnight&sweetdreams.

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Fun friday! (:

After tennis, it started raining, soo we went to YoSwirl. Right when we got there, we were like "wth, why are we here! We can get free all you can eat icecream at Dickies! (:" So we (Nishant, Kevin, Jeff, Li, Thomas, Numair, David, Megan, my sister, and myself) met up with Val, Becky and An, we coincidentally got there at the exact same time. I was being hella indecisive, took like 30 minutes to pick (: Soo i was like,BECKY, let's get the picnic pack! Dayum, that was a lot of food! 1 pound of beef brisket, 4 rolls, fries, and potato salad. yuumm-o! (: Ohh yeah, Santillan's and Greathouse kids were there. Hecka funny. They got jokes. After, I had a pretty intense big halo party. Was like 10 people there. Tons of cursing went on while playing XP Played some 4 v4. Lasted 'till about 10ish. fun stuff. It was a good way to end the day.

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Pain.

My legs were in so much pain yesterday. I had to limp to get around. I could barely lift it up. When I was playing tennis, it was quite painful. Still, I got on the court, and smacked every ball as hard as I could. Why was I like that?

What I realized is that real occurrences does hurt me, but the persuasiveness of imagination does.

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Tennis heals the pain in my legs. It heals the pain in my heart.

Today's school day was good. Then something happened. Then, I get a little sad. Then, I play tennis. Then, I get a little mad. Then, I almost kill Cynthia Vu and Thomas by hitting too hard. Then, I get frustrated with myself. I don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I'm sorry, but you didn't do anything wrong. I'm sorry, but i'm going to be a jerk. I'm sorry, but you're the reason why i'm sad. I'm sorry, but I let my the best of my imagination take over me. I'm sorry but I can't make you as happy as him. I'm sorry that I can't make you laugh the way he does. I'm sorry, but if you don't see me anymore it's because it's not that I have better things to do, but I occupy my time with tennis and the gym is so that there's no time to think of you. I'm sorry that I can't find any fault in you. I'm sorry that I can't just stop liking you. I'm sorry that I have to say goodbye. I'm sorry that i'm going to act completely normal around you, so you won't know who you are.

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Thinking leads to more thinking.

Hmm, so today I couldn't go to school due to the fact that I have a stye on my good eye, my other eye has amploydia so i can barely see. When I woke up, I had a hard time seeing anything, so I informed my parents that I wasn't going to school, because I didn't want it to get worst. If it does, I can be nearly blind for life. Soo yeah, I slept 'till 9ish. When I woke up, I had to apply a warm, damp towel. I did that for about 2 hours. When you're lying in your bed, can't use the comp, can't watch t.v., can't even read a book, you have to resort to thinking; about those things that you have been strategically manauevering away from for awhile now. And what have I came up with? I'm quite indecisive. I don't know what I want. I have to make little deals to force myself into doing something. Why? Cause I don't know what I want. Also, I notice that I worry to much about other people. Yeah, a lot of people would agree that it's a good thing. But if I spent all my time caring about other people, who's going to care about me? I have to spend a little less of my time worrying, and do things that I want to do. Maybe that's why i'm indecisive? Because I always put my thoughts aside for other's since I feel like i'm disappointing them. Of course I won't completely be close-minded and be a stubborn asshole that will always make it go my way, but perhaps only taking a little iniatitive of my own will not allow people to push me over. I am sorry if I disappoint you dear reader, but please give me a break once in awhile. My eye is irritating again, I'm going to apply another warm-towel.

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Haha.

Whatever. I tried, even I knew I shouldn't have. Pourquoi je suis si stupide? Au Revoir.

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Today, I had an Odd # hours of sleep

Can't believe i'm going through these same feelings again. Two times in one year, already?. It makes me feel like shit. I lack confidence. I guess its inevitable. I want to stick around, but I don't want to get to close, or i'd get hurt; again. Life's being a bitch. Taking away my happiness? Why. I guess I don't deserve it. I guess the only thing I can look forward to now is Preseason for tennis. I'm going to loose the deal with Cynthia. It was suppose to make me get the balls to do what i needed to do, but how can I? I don't know what she is thinking. ever. And that wondering makes me think about her more. But I have to forget, cause thats how I roll. I dont want to get hurt again...

Thanks Thomas and Samir for trying to encourage me thoughh (: Too bad nothing's going to happen.

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Abstract Essay: Embarassment

Huynh Hoang

Ms. Waller

AP English (Waffles)

14 October, 2009

Embarrassment

In the school year of 2006-2007, I was in the 8th grade and had met the most perfect girl I had ever seen. She was everything that I would ever want in someone: beautiful, intelligent, quiet, and the kindest soul. One day, her best friend had asked me “Huynh, who do you like?” It was her birthday the following week, so I had promised to tell her as a present. She had already expected something, but simply needed confirmation. Carefully, I folded a heart out of new crisped five dollar bill, with a note hidden well inside the interior with my crush’s name. On her birthday, I gave her the present. Without any notification, someone had snatched the neatly folded money away from the birthday girl’s hand, opened the coin that had been hiding the interior, and my secret had been revealed. In the oncoming months, I had walked the halls of Walters Junior High with embarrassment. How was I supposed to go to school, humiliated as I was? How was I supposed to look at her without thinking that she knew, and was too embarrassed to be next to me? How was I supposed to continue living with the happiness that I had?

Embarrassment. Everyone has their own reason to feel embarrassed. Some may be embarrassed by what their parents wear in public, or how their siblings handle themselves in a restaurant. Others may be embarrassed when mispronouncing a word in front of the entire class. Embarrassment can make one feel stupid, made fun of, or even into tears. Everyone has their own perception of embarrassment, and their own way of dealing with it. For me, I try to run away from it as far as possible, hiding away under the thickest blanket I can find, hoping that it doesn’t find me.

Every time I walked throughout school, I felt the eyes of people gaze upon my presence. Every whisper became about me. Everything became small. It felt as if I was being tortured. It felt as if everyone was watching my every movement, my every breath. And the worst part? She was in nearly all of my classes. I had wanted to run away from her stabbing glances the most, and the many judgments that came with it. Any thought that I may have had a chance in my mind was shattered into many fragmented pieces as if a glass cup was impacted by a baseball bat, due to the embarrassment. It was a sickening feeling. I had no motivation to move forward. For awhile, I ignored her as an attempt to run away from the embarrassment.

The thing with embarrassment is that it’s completely optional. I didn’t know it, but I had chosen to feel embarrassed. I didn’t have enough confidence in myself to fight off my own imagination as I did in something like overcoming a math problem. After awhile, with the help of my friends, I realized that being depressed over one embarrassing encounter for too long was not a way to live my life. They made me realize that they didn’t care, and that they weren’t going to call me out on my embarrassments. They made me grasp the concept of how embarrassment was optional, and that I can now choose “ehh, whatever,” and move on.

Everyone may feel embarrassment accordingly to what they care about. For some, it’s the appearance that strangers will perceive of their mothers and fathers accordingly on how they dress, and for others is how people may perceive them as a dork since they weren’t paying attention and trip. However if one can gain the confidence in themselves to go “ehh, whatever” to all the laughter that may take part after such mishaps, he or she may overcome any embarrassing situation. As I look back into that encounter today, I feel foolish to have felt embarrassed as I realized that no one truly cared, that it was all apart of my imagination. Over the years, I had overcome that embarrassing occurrence to become the best of friends with my ex-crush.


Haha, do you know what's funny? I made her revise it for me (: Yeah she knew it was her, but I wasn't embarrassed by it. She just went *aww I never knew you felt that way* and *I think of you as one of my bestest bestest bestest friend too!* I love her as a friend (:

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Je... ne sais pas.

I don't even know how to feel anymore. I hear a timer ticking in my room, but the only clock in the room is a digital one. That's weird. 19 days left? Hah. I quit. A few words can drastically alter my mood. Whatever. I'm tired of this. I'm done.

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stuffs. will elaborate later. (:

3 hour naps FTW. 20 more days. this weekend is going to be hell. starting tennis pre-season in like 4 weeks! <3 bleh. hw. haven't finish abstract essay. whycan'tistopthinkingaboutyou. gotta go condition to prepare for conditioning. I have a ton of hw to do O__________O. peoplearefadingaway. Oh noes. i have no free time this weekend!. Tennis <3. APush. eww. TENNIS!!! yumm.. bagel bites. yum. didyouknowthatIcanfly? Just keeeeeeeding. I can't fly. I wish I can. New sheets <3. so clean. Rain tomorrow?! wahh. no tennis then. Abstract essays are a pain in the butt. I wonder if I have class tomorrow. TENNIS?! Jkay. its raining. (: bbl.

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Friends are the glue to mend a broken heart (:

Helen's right, i'm not changing; but just showing a different part of me (:

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I 'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I 'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong.

I didn't think so, but I do. And now you're gone, so what can I do?

If today was my last day, I'd regret so much stuff. I don't live my life to the fullest. Nowhere near. I get too scared of what may happened. Why? I don't know. What should I do? Just give up and ignore the situation like I usually do? Or, do what will make me happier? Both has it's own consequences. One will bring me a slight depression for who knows how long. The other, it's a loose canon. I don't know what can come out of it. Ha ha, coin flipping time?

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Why do I feel like punching someone in the face? What's wrong with me. It's frustrating because I don't even know. Why can't I talk to anyone about it? People easily trust me, why can't I do the same? I don't like myself.

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I did not hit good today at Newark. There's too much on my mind, and i'm getting headaches from it. Whatever. I'm tired.

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Smile for the stars, cause you don't know who's watching.

Lmaoo.. Cynthia M. and I made a deal. We have to each be in a relationship this year so it can be "more enjoyable". She's making me get a girlfriend either before she gets a boyfriend or within a month after. LOL. This will be interesting (: She's going to be sooo mad at me for breaking this deal. She's such a funny bunny. I wanna see how life will treat me this year.

Unneccessary drama deserves a slap in the face.

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._.

2 1/2 weeks in of school. I'm getting back to what I used to be, bored of life. When I get bored from it, i start to slowly separate myself from the world. Why? Who knows. I'm getting tired of it. Of everything. We'll see what will happen. Even if I talk a lot, I don't feel like it much anymore. Why? Who knows. I'll write more laters. I'm getting bored.

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): i'm sleepy, but I can't sleep. >< Only had 2 hours of sleep last night due to procasinating on IDs :x

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Getting back to old habits. Procasinating so much, failing so much. I thought I had changed, but it looks like it's coming back to bite me in the ass. So much homework. Must finish. Then, must get ahead. Talk to you later world.

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Procasination is my key to success ^^;

Soo, I've completely finished 7 ID's, 14 more analysis to go. =] But first, procrastination!

Lately, it's been CRAZY. Soo much homework. Sooo much socializing. >_> Why when one increased, so did the other?! It's not suppose to be like that =[ Sigh, only two more years. The first two years I thought it dragged on forever, but when the second half started I feel like there's sooo much little time left, and so much to do! I haven't lived life to the fullest, and i'm ashamed of myself for it =/ Life, slow down please :[ I'm still scared of my AP classes. AP history isn't to bad, just time consuming. However, i'm scared of physics and english.

TENNIS. [: I hope I can snowboard this winter. But of course, school comes first.

@Helen
Just bring a parachute (: Jkay. If it happens, it'll be ineivatble, but let's both try our best not to let it happen, yes? (: I only have 2 years left of High School, and we better be the best of friends 'till the end!

&& don't be sad please :[
I hate it what your family has done to you. You hide it so well though X_X. So happy all the time. If I lived your life, i'd probably have quit a long time ago. Plese don't though =/. After High School, then you're free. If I could, I would have taken you away from them but realistic, that's impossible. However, I'll never stop being your friend so you can always turn to me.

Weeeeee, hair grows (: Pssh, just look in one of those handheld mirrors and you'll just see the same pretty face :D

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Please don't take my sunshine away, I don't want to live in the dark.

So much homework. I thought it'd distract me from the rest of the world, but it turns out the rest of the world is distracting me from it. However, it's gotten a lot more fun this year than the past two years (: It's partly due to the fact that I some really awesome new freshmen friends like Lily, Cynthia, and Helen, and also i've gotten closer to some of my friends that I had since Jr. High. It's also due to the fact that i've changed a lot over the summer:
I've learn to appreciate my friend's presence after not seeing them for heckalong months. I've learn that stress only brings on more stress, and i don't like to work with stress. I've learn to be more open about this and just be myself, mainly thanks to helen, cynthia, stella, margaret, and all of my senior friends because I can express my inner dokrness (: I've learn that if i procasinate, I don't get anythng done. I've learn that true happiness can be achive. I've learn the meaning of hardwork. I've learn that I take a lot of things for granted, and i'm real bitchy at times and i got to stop. I've learn to appreciate the world around me and the things I have. I've learn that I have to except myself for who I am, and not who i'm not. I've learn that if really want it, I have to get it myself, because who else would get it for me? I feel dfferent taking on Junior year, and it's a good thing because it's going to be a hellish ride. Bring it on school year number 11.

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Saraellemaecheriseellaosaphelia

Sara... It's soo hard to decode you're broken up messages without trying to assume things =/ I'm sorry if im getting to nosy, but I don't want you to be sad anymores T_T. But it's completely understandable if you don't want to tell anyone anything, :x. && im sorry that your love life is blehish.

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I don't feel like I have much emotion anymore. Every time I get happy, the downfall is hard. My mind is protecting me from that. How longer can I keep up this facade around the people? It's almost time to stick my nose into books. Maybe that'll keep me distracted and let my mind be at rest for awhile. Tata for now.

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Helon My Melons <--- Helen is more than one melon D:

D: That L.A. trip has got you thinkin, eh? Haha, you finally noticed you're changing (: Shocking, isn't it? Changing is inevitable, you're going to be doing a lot of that during high school, even if you say you aren't. It'll be hard to accept it, but it's going to happen. Denying the fact will just make you angry at yourself, and i don't want to see you angry at yourself D: Don't get me wrong, i'm not telling you to change, but it'll happen. Sometimes fast, sometimes real slow. You're friends are going to change, you attitude towards people, and your view on the world. Geeet ready for four years of high school (:

Pssh, you deserve more love than you think. Presents? Who really needs presents. I know I don't. I don't like them, i don't feel like i deserve them. Over the years when I talk to people, they always said i had some kind of "emotional wall" infront of me that blocked me from getting to close to anyone, because i was afraid to get hurt, since when I did let me guard down, I did get hurt. Overtime, that "wall" kept on getting thicker and thicker. But this summer, you went to talk to such a 'spaz' as myself, and over a relatively short time i found it really easy to talk to you. It was fun. Because of you, I find it easier to talk to people when they ask me "how are you feeling or even comversation starters like "wassup" I rarely ever reply now with Nothig Much, unless i'm really doing nothing. I like to converse with people more. Not only did made me be more open, you jumped over the wall :D I can probably talk to you about more things then people who i've known for 7 years now. So to sum it all up, I rather have a friend who I can talk with like you, then a friend who only gives me presents and thinks we are "close" because of that. So, I appreciate you as a friend very very much. Thannkk you Helen (:

P.s. For some reason, I imagined you're cousins to be hecka buff hockey players >_>

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'Damn girl, dry your eyes. You stole my heart and you kicked it aside. No girl, you can't see, when he's in your heart there's no room for me.' ~ All American Rejects - Damn girl.

Such an appropriate song. School is coming up. This year is going to be interesting. So much school work. Class of 2010's last year. My sister is coming in and sme awesome new freshie's like Helen, Cynthia, and Lily! I'm going to be in the Junior dance. I'm starting up a club with margaret, and i'm going to be in the VSA (vietnamese student association) dance as well. We should have a good tennis season. I'm going to buy myself a birthday present, either an iPhone or HTC G1, and hopefully it'll encourage me to do better during this school year (: I'm setting myself up for failure with the classes plus the school spirit participation, but if my mind is completely focused, and I get through this year perfectly... It's possible I can get in Berkeley, and attend one of the best business school in the world.

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Je veux oublier d'elle. Non, j'ai oublier d'elle parce que nous sommes de différent les mondes.

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Alchohol is not for me.

Wooh. *sarcastic*. Soo, it's been a real bitchy morning, and it only has been 2 fuckin' hours. Soo, my dad had my uncles over, since one of them had helped him put cement on his landscaping job yesterday, which was friday (not to confuse anyone). As usual, they drank beer and 'socialized'. I think they took fucking shots this time with henesys. As usual, they got fucking drunk. I fucking hate, actually loathe drunk people. Soo... it ended like at 1:15, everyone went home. My brother Hop (3rd oldest), which is a senior and U.C. Davis. comes home at ehh, around 1:30ish. We chitchat because he was updating me on his internship at Liberty Mutual, a pretty high ranked financial group. So.. i'd say 1:40ish comes around. My mom comes out of the room crying, because she tried calming my dad down since he probably had an arguement with one of my uncles. She came out yelling something like "they're just kids" or something. It was about my cousins. Honestly, I don't like them either. They don't try. One of them went to a state colleges because she didn't apply for any UCs because she didn't want to get "rejected". WTF?! REALLY?! >_> But yeah. that's a different story. Soo, it probaly has something with my dad trying to lecture his older brother-in-law. Why? Cause he's drunk. And of course, being the older sibling, my uncle didn't want to take shit so he proably yelled back. Why? Cause he's drunk. So. Of course they're all yelly yelly. And I guess that's the reason why i heard the door slam. So when everyone went home, my mom and dad went to bed. Being her niece and nephews, she tried defended them. My dad, being a fawking drunking idiot probably said something that upsetted her. Not noticing my brother was home, since he was in my room and he heard what she said to, was like Wtf... He had only been home for 10 minutes and he was in a delightful mood since he was riverrafting later that day. Soo, he went into my parents room. and was like what the eff. and then they exchanged words. he came out and was and said 'i don't want to deal with this shit anymore. I have a home at davis. If its going to be like this around here, i don't want to come back'. fawkk. >_> It's not that my dad believes my cousins are idiots. Both my brother and I agree. It's that he has to fucking get drunk, and tell it to my uncles faces, and making my mom cry. That what pisses me off the most. So, at the moment, my mom is sleeping downstairs with my sister, my brother is on his way back to davis but he was suppose to spend a night, and now i really don't want to deal with this shit either. I can't leave the house, because i'm afraid my dad might go on a tantrum tomorrow again because he'd want to justify himself but he'd do it in an idiotic way. I don't want to stay in the house. I want to leave. It's easy to. I can spend all day at lake elizabeth, at the tennis courts, or at a friends house. But, I can't leave. Because my morality won't fucking let me. If you ever see me drinking alcohol, please kick my ass. If i asked why? Say because you're drinking alchohol and i don't want you to become an asshole. I hope my brother comes back. He's fun to hang out with. But why should he? This happens. Before he didn't want to come back because my oldest brother is a dumbass too. He's going no where. He probably smokes pot, and gambles all his money away. And my parents still baby his ass. Hop didn't come back for a few months but he eventually did to come see me and my sister. He doesn't come as often as he used to though.

My parents argueing only occurs every few months. haha, guess why i'm always happy? Because I know people probably have it worst. This happens to me every now and then. For others, on a weekly, perhaps a daily basis. I hope that if i'm happy and think positive, they can at least be happy and positive for that moment of time, so that they don't need to spend every moment in what a dreadful place they hide away at home and just escape into a whole different world. Of course, not everyone has a secret second life at home, but it doesn't hurt for a happy person to become happier.

P.s. Please don't tell me sister any of this. She doesn't read my blog, so yeah. I'll just sugar coat it when she asks me.

*Sorry for the vulgar language. >< There's a study that when people curses, it stimulates so that it makes the pain easier. I'm not saying to curse, but i'm saying that I just needed to ):

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<- Helen ->

Haha, you know Stella?!?! Wahaha, that's cool. She's related to you somehows. Well, she's related t oFelicia... So yeah. Wooh, D: When you get back from L.a. T_T. Since your laptop is now broken. I'm sorry that that happened. I'm sorry that you're mom is like that ><>_> Good luck on the test (: OMGOSH, SWINE FLEW? its still around...

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Helon My Melons <--- Helen is more than one melon D:

I'll be waiting for that super long post! It better be so long, blogger would get angry because you are using to much of their data =D

No Penguins?!?! Oh noes... what do they have then T_T. Omgosh, such a great idea! I've never been snowboarding in Canada before D: I wonder how the snow is =O Awws, really? I'm sorry to hear that. Did you do it nicely!?

Ooo, L.A.?! What are you going to do there? DISNEYLAND!!!? Tower of terror <3. Take tons of pictures for me and show me, kays? (even if you don't go to disneyland!)

Aww, umm meditate! =D So you don't get pissy o-o Or or, go to the staircase and yell out "REMEMBER TO FLUSH THE TOILET" again to let out some steam XP

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Helen my Melon =D

Hahaha, you've been apologizing a lot lately! What are you guys doing in the Buddha camp?!?! Cynthia was right, you guys do come back nice XP Hahaha, don't worry... in person i'm always cheerful =D Pssh, i love your stories =) I don't like talking about myself T_T. <- forgot what he wrote on his blog yesterday besides it was super duper long O_O. No need to change, just be yourself! (:

Pssh, nobody freshmen? more like super cool freshmen that uses the word uber! =D and, you do not suck at tennis! You can beat your dad (: Has it really been 4 days? D: time is passing by so fast now ><>< Even if we only known eachother for a short time. but but, it better last a lifetime! (:

Pssh, I keep my promises. I will take you snowboarding, bowling, and to eat pho! Sooner or later (: I brought a cake and got you a card like i said i would, yeah? So you better look forward to it! Like how i'm looking forward to Canada, and the Rockies. There better better penguins on that glacier :D

I'm sitll sorry it was lame. Oh oh, you better look forward to your birthday one though! I'll be sure to start earlier so I can not write lame stuff in it XP

Haha, reallys? Takeshi is cool =D I saw him often last year when i was at their house. Did'ya meet their mom? She is sooo cool! And their dad too =) They make super yummy baked potatoes <3.

~ How's Buddha camp? Tell me all about it!!!

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Wooh, worked for 14 hours today. It's killing a lot of time ^^. I want to play tennis now D: I was just throwing a tantrum last time XP Haha's. Blehs, gotta go shopping for clothes soon >< I hate buying massive amounts of clothes at one time... so much bank.

Good thing you're resting well now Helen! I hope your having fun at Buddhist camp =D I'll start talking to you by Myspace or Blogging, since you never go on facebook >_> Ohh, and Cynthia got my gift! Yaaaaays =D Thanks for helping me out on the idea (: Thankyouthankyou. And, anytime you need someone talk to, i'm always here =D. Story time?!?

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Tennis fail. Move on?

Argh. Couldn't play proper tennis today. Couldn't hit a single ball until the last 20 minutes of playing, but then I can only hit decent backhands. Forehands are being funny. I don't like my grips anymores. I think i'm going to take a break from tennis. Maybe a week? Possibly a month. We'll see. I think i'm just going to use that few hours of tennis and start picking up the guitar; I need something to clear my mind, and tennis is starting to pissy me off, when it usually does the complete opposite. Bleh, everytime I keep forgetting about her, she keeps popping up. Why? Lame. I shouldn't let these things distract me, Junior year is coming up. I have to get a 4.0. I have to be in the top 5. How else am I suppose to get to college. I want to start school, but I have so much things to accomplish before school starts. Blehs. FML T_T. I hope the guitar doesn't make me mad... I really need something to forget.

Cynthia birthday is in like 30 minutes!!! Well, I think it is already to her since its daytime in Vietnam. I hope she got my present =] andand, thanks Helen for helping me choose it ^^, much appreciated. ): you're going to be gone for 3 weeks, boo. That's as long as i've known her T_T. I hope you have fun in Buddhist camp, and L.A. and San Diego, and with your cousins.

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August.

Yay its August! Excited for Arts and Wine Festival sunday (:

I won't be seeing Cynthia and Lily for like 1 and a half weeks, and Helen for almost 3! Soo long, considering that I have been seeing them 3 times a week for the past month XP. I'm going to start studying SATs to pass the time...

School is coming. Gotta save up my munnis now so that I can buy me a ton of new clothes (:

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Driving.

2nd day of driver's training (: Drove on the freeway! wowow, i was going like 60mph. So scary! My turning is getting a little better. I don't like to turn though d: Switching lane is easy peasy. backup.. ehh. I get to work on parallel parking tomorrow O_O. and go on the freeway again (: Omgomgosh, the person that had the class after me, which drives me home almost got in crash atleast 5 times in the 20 minutes of driving me from her place to mine! Waahhh, i was like craaaap, i'm going to get killed XP Lucky she didn't go on the freeway x] yet... Its cloudy outside, and no wind. I want to tennis D:

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Needs sleep.

I only slept 4 hours last night because I stayed up late playing 20 questions and chitchatting with Helen XP Slept at like 2, woke up at like 6 to do driver's training. Tonight, i'm probably going to sleep around 11:30, and wake up at 2:30 to go hike up Mission Peak with Megan, Cynthia, Lily, Yee, Denzil, and Andrew. Wooh, it's going to be fun!.. I hope. I hope the sunset is prettyful (:

Ohh man, driving is soo scary. I hope I get used to it. I don't like switching lanes and turning T______T.

Hmms. I had a weird dream last night. D: It was about that one person that I never really get to talk to much since she is so busy T_T. It was a weird dream. If you want to hear about it, ask :D I don't want to write it and have whoever reads this assume things =D

Leo (my dog) is back! Wooht wooht, I get to take care of him for a week or two. He is soo cute (:

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Hm. 9 hours of tennis isn't gret for one day. D: It's too exhausting! 5 Hours should be the limit. Yet, I was still hitting decent at the 8 hour mark. Then I sat down, and my muscles cooled, that's when i had to stop playing XP Today was fun, Andrew beat me in a set >_> We're tied 1-1 now. Saw ron today, he has some beastly strokes. I'm getting better =D

Hm. What happeed this week O_O. it passed by so fast. reeeeeeeeecaaaaap. =]

Uhs, Oooo, I got my permit. YAY. only minus 3 out of 46 questions. I'm proud of myself. I was soo nervous when the lady was correcting my paper. That same day, I finally received my new glasses and got them fitted. If i do say so myself, they are pretty neat. =D That same day, Helen told me I was her friend, YAY!! She's improving in tennis ^^ And Lily too! And my sister. Go Freshies! Oh oh, don't forget about miss Cynthia vu =)

Uhs. Fridays from now on, me and the seniors are going to choose a restaurant to eat and hang out. Wooht, food <3.>< But i'm getting better XP

Ahhhhh, stella brought prom up yesterday. I have no idea what i'm going to do. Should I go this year O_O. hmms. I havta, the seniors are going to leave D: I wonder who I will end up asking =), i hope i don't get rejected, weeeeee.

La di dai di da. i'm 16. It feels like i'm still 13. Oh wells, I had other stuff I wanted to write about earlier, but I have forgotten. kthxbye.

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TENNIS IS LIFE. =) Wahaha, it's soo fun! My sister got better, wooht wooht. I can actually hit pretty decent with her, well i don't get too bored anyways so that's good. I need to be better. I must beat Adam Clark. He needs to know where he stands on the team, unless he matures by next year. I can't let that underclassman be better than me =O Yaays, i get to go play with some Logan kids this weekend ^_^. fun fun.

Ohh, guess what?! I'm sixteen nows! =D Okay, so on my birthday I went to do the Aids Walk in S.F. I woke up at like 6:40, got ready by 7:10. Got to the bart around 7:20. Met up with Andrew, Cynthia, Katie, and Michelle Huang. Departed around 7:50. On the bart, we talked to Eric, Bryan and Annie from MSJ. They were pretty cool. They eased dropped and joined in one of our conversations but its all good. we got to S.F. around 10ish. On the bus, we got split from the MSJ leo, and missed another bus after that one. We finally got on the 3rd bus and followed some annual walkers. We took like 30 minutes to find the Leo booth, then we met up with MSJ again. Before the walk, we got split up again with MSJ! Then we walked the six miles. We saw MSJ again, and then Cynthia, andrew and I went to eat some Thai food. We saw bryan, annie and eric at the mall. We went to see Harry Potter six. Then we went back to the bart. Got back around 8:30. Kevin picked me up, then he dropped me at my house. I took a shower. At around 9:00, kevin picked me up again and we went to denny's with Jeff, Andrew, Kevin, Nishant, and Megan. Came home around 10:50ish. What an eventful day =) This new year has been a good start. I had over 50 birthday wishes ^_^. And you know what I noticed? I barely got any from my junior friends (class of '11, not including my friends from Irvington). Hah, not suprised (:

Ohhh man, a month more left of summer! There's so much more to do!!! I need to be able to beat Andrew in a set, or lose by only a tiebreak! I gots to work on return of service, volleys, and maybe my two hand backhand. I have a decent serve and one handed backhand, and my forehand is good for amateur highschool players. tennis.tennis.tennis. Why do I like tennis so much you may ask? When I play, it takes me from reality. I can be seriously depressed or mad at someone before I play. I would even think about not playing because i'm not in the mood. But once I pick up the racket and smack some balls, I forget about it all and just play. I have to concentrate on my footwork, my contact point, and making the other person sweat. I have no time do deal with the other shit. =) tennis.tennis.tennis.

Hmm, I like meeting new peoples o-o. If you know any nice people, introduce me =) No weirdos plox.

Everytime I see her face, my heart skips a beat. Why? I don't even know her.

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birthdday soon (:

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Fawwk. i failed the AP Biology test with a 2 :( Oh wells, 5 hours of tennis got me over it =D I lovers the tennis, and if you try to take it away from me, i'mma shank yo' b*tch ass. =) Failing this test made me realize nothing is going to be handed to make like the past. Yeah, i said it in the beginning of this year. I knew of it. But now i know how it really feels to be disappointed in myself. and it sucks. Now, i'm going to go finish my summer goals. I'm going to go to work. i'm going to have 300$ set aside for prom, after buying all my fancy tennis stuff. I'm going to go to the gym everyday. I'm going to play tons of tennis so i can be varsity singles material. I'm going to do footwork exercises every single day. I'm going to lose body fat, but more muscles so i can play better tennis. I'm going to learn how to concentrate and do what i set out to do. No more of this childish shit. Doesn't mean i'm going to be a real boring ass homofag. I'll still have fun. just got prioritize. less than two months. Can I be satisfied with myself by then and not feel liks a loser? (: We'll see. For those who are reading this, make sure i do this shit.

Please and thank you,
Huynh Hoang.

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So easy to talk to... So hard to talk to.

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Poof. and you're gone.
If you asked me if I loved you, I'd lie. ~ Would I say no or yes?

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Before, I could smile and laugh about things. Now, those same things annoy me... why?

Tennis~ is life.
Excited for junior year.

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In truth, I am angry.
In truth, I am sad.
In truth, I don't care anymore.
In truth, I am content.

There are 70 something days of summer, and our goodbyes were to subtle. Sigh. I don't feel like talking to them anymore. To you anymore. We'll see when this 70 something days are over. Until then, I really don't want to see much of anyone anymore, besides those who I know really are my friends.

Tata for now.

P.s. Happy belated birthday:
Jeff Nebril,
Kim Le,
Saraellamaecheriseelleosaphelia Wong.
Jeremy Zapanta.
Kiren Sidhu.
Leslie Tran.
Stella Chong.
& to everyone else who I have forgotten in the past month.

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Blah. Summer soon.

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Boo. What if it was you? Ahh.

I want to play tennis and forget about this world. To bad there isn't enough time. It's almost summer, so it's okay. Going to be some intense training. (:

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No more AP Bio. No more tennis. I'm bored. Guitar now?

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You're one in a million... Lucky there is 6.77 billion people in this world (:

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10 more days then i'm free. What is there to do when I am?

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Tennis ended today because MSJ beasted on us D: Looking back at this season, i played pretty crappy besides against MSJ. Playing against them is so fun because we actually have rallies and i get into it so my ground strokes tends to go in :D To bad they were just hella good with all those winners! When I played against a team like Newark or Washington though, it gets sooooooo boring! and then we lose. Why? I don't know. skill wise, we are better. Just at that hour of play, I can't hit any ground strokes, my serves becomes double faults, and my volleys are just as if a child is playing patty cake. But yeah, i decided to aim hard for the singles spot. I'm think i'm planning to play 3-5 times a week so I can become that good to win atleast half of my matches ^_^. Two more weekends until the AP BIO test. yay. study time.

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Learning Pachelbel's canon on the flute. >_> Stupid D major scale. So complicated. MVALS tuesday, i'm stoked ^_^. AP testing a little over two weeks from now, not to stoked. Gosh, there seems not to be enough time in this world anymore. I wish something happens so that time can slow down and i can cherish the moments.

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Guess what? there's nothing to do. I'm tired of reading. Good night (:

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Yay! Finished Driver's ED! Finally.. hmm i have to do a lot of reading the next few days. Got to finish one flew over the cuckoo's nest, book report for it, and some ap biology studying ^^. Today was a good day. I have to mend up some old relationships like the one with Dorothy. I can't belive i'm sing this but i wish it was last semester. Even with the stress of AP Biology, it brough a lot of us together. We hung out a couple of times a week. Even if we were studying, we took time to talk to eachother and laugh about ridiculous things. Sigh.. good times.

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Gewd day.

La di da di da di da. Thursday! wooht. Today was fuuun. Great day, great day. Before school.. i dunno. First block, we discussed our final project and matt is going to go throw a hero's journy about tennis (and he has a moustache) O_O. and i is the very a old mentor with a beard =] Second block, we watched part of transformers and ate a buncha nachos. (: Band, we watched drumline. I gotta watch the rest of it. Lunch.... was pretty fun. took pictures and stuff. 4th, we messed up our bunny cake and probably got a failing grade for it. After school me and henry went to the mall. Yay MALL! I didn't buy anything though. boo mall. Oh yeah, i bought some Frozen Yogurt <3 Taro. I saw that one girl at the mall (: I didn't say hi though ): I should've... but I was a dumbass and pretended i didn't notice her T_T. OHHHHHHH YEahh. I saw Jenny at kennedy today! So after the mall, i went back to kennedy to watch the Varsity Volleyball game against washington with Cristina and Ely. Then Nishant called me me and came over with David, kevin, Denzil, Cynthia, Megan, Nishant, and Numair. They wanted to come to my house -_- so they went to watch the volley game too. Kennedy lost T_T. Then we went to my house. We spent an hour talking about random crap such as school, college, grades, classes. It was halirous how much jokes we can put into such a serious topic (: Then we played video games and everyone went home. Oooooooooo. I saw Kianna's little brother playing the sax on wed. Haha, he's so adorable XP I had to help the flute people play D: they were tiny!

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FYI.

Soo. I haven't blogged for awhiles. So i'll fill you in my past week.

Wed. I was all hyped up for the election. Yay election? -_-" Oh, I also got my assed wooped by Logan that day too. I dislike my partner.

Thursday. I forget. Nothing important happened.

Friday. One of the bestest days I can remember at the moment. Saw Stella, Leslie and Kianna at Grease. Great play by Irvington. Me and Kianna got hella good seats even though we were like the last ones there (: Yay!

Saturday. Carmens and Vanessa B-Day party. I hate parties. Wasn't the best of experiences. I left early cause I was tired of everyone there, besides Alejandro. He koo.

Sunday. Watched a ton of movies. Forgot what else I did that day. not important I guess.

Monday.. Found out that I had lost the elections, and afterwards i found out this and that. I became became depressed and went to Jack in the Box and bought a crapload of food and soda. I only drink soda and eat fast food only when my brother's comes over and there's nothing to eat (which is rare), parties and that's the only thing to eat, and when i'm depressed. I hate drinking soda. By that I mean Soda is good, but i have enough self-discipline not to drink it. Unless I am depressed. Stupid elections. 8 freaking votes. GAHHh. Congrats Kylie though ^_^.

Tuesday. Yeahh.. It's tuesday. Kept a smile for a portion of the day. the rest i was like, bleh EFFMYLIFE. Haha. ^_^. Bleh, i can't be myself around her. For some reason I freak out and make a dumbass out of myself XP Oh wells. She's a freshmen =] Clue? Shh.

Bleeh. The election was fun though. I respect Kylie, so there's no hard-feelings towards her so don't get me wrong. But 8 votes T_T. so close. Gawd. Haha, you know what's funny? A lot of my friends are getting further. I thought it was only the ones that I used to hang out with. Now it's all of them. Oh wells, maybe it's a sign to switch schools? (: Cities? O.o?

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._. I lost treasurer by 8 votes. Found out some other unexciting news today. To depress to blog. I'll do it when i'm a bit more cheery, or i'll curse every other word. ^^;?

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Procasination is my key to success ^^;

Welps, i don't feel like doing my Imperialism essay at the moment, and it's due in 25 hours. Plenty of time! :] So i'm going to blog.

Wooh, running for junior class treasurer against Kylie and Thin is surely exciting. It can be anyone's win. So much canidates this year. Hope there isn't any badmouthing among us, but that's politics XP Why did I decided to run? I need some experience in accounting. I hope I win. If I lose, i still probably will enroll in leadership to help out. Hopefully there aren't any hard-feelings. Kylie is probably pissed at me. It's an election, that part was unavoidable. Weeee. We were suppose to make speeches on Friday but it got canceled do to lack of time. wooh, she talked to me that day to (: She probably things im hella weird. it's okay, i am. maybe i'll make an effort to keep the conversation going ^_^.

Tuesday match at Newark was gay. I lost my match, but as a team won 4-3. Gawd them stackers. I sucked that day too. Coach is a beezie. I hate him. Likely that I won't join tennis next year and practice another sport. Thursday's match at MSJ was pretty fun though. 1-6, 1-6 XP Wooh, no double bagel. They weren't that good though, but they both had a very nice backhand. so flat, i love it D: We have 6 home games in a row now though. so that's going to be fun ^_^. Going to own on Kennedy courts <3.

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Omgwtfbbq. Can't believe we lost against Washington today. Gawd. Can't believe I pulled a muscle 2 games in of the THIRD SET. THIRD FAWKING SET. -_______- I let Denzil down. >_< We shoulda won it. We were up 2 games... How'd we lose 3-6, 2-6, 3-6. BLAHS. Oh wells. Not having the best of days.

Oh, today was Misaye J. Yamaguchi's sixteenth birthday! Wooht. Happy birthday. I got her a cake and 4 balloons tied too a teddy bear.

Even if it was her birthday, and she is one of my closest friends, I couldn't find it in myself to be as happy as I usually am. I'm changing. I guess being around them is not as it used to be. I wonder if they still like me anymore. Guess that's probably why my game was off. Can't play if there is a lot on my mind. My mind wonders during a servive game and forehands. My forte.

Teehee. I finally talked to her for the first time. [: Shee's purrty. Don't ask, don't tell? ^_^;

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Ladidadidadida.boom. o-o.

Soo.. nothing is really going on in my life. Kinda drifting away from some of my friends. Oh wells, that's life. Only 2 1/4 years to go.

Ooo, we got our jerseys today! Gosh, it's so purple. But it has Titan Tennis on it or something, so that's good. so purple.. i'm going to wear it on Thursday! Yay for Misaye's birthday on thursday. i'm going to walk around with a purple shirt in the open public O_O I hope I embarass Misaye and whoever is coming with us afterschool [: We're going to kick Washington's ass on Thursday as well! Their tennis players consist of assholes and cheaters. And they talk a lot of shit too. I wanna kick Newarks butts next tuesday as well [:

Dude, I finally learned how to play the left hand part of Fur Elise on the piano [: Going to own CAHSEE mathmatics tomorrows. G'night.

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Weeeeeee. I saw Kianna today [: Neeth and I went to go stalk her at track after my game was over.

Bleh. game against irvington was horrible. Lost 6 games in a row, end of set one. Won 3 games in a row to start off the second set. I was very confident that i was going to atleast take the set. My partner and I choked. >_> We lost 3 deuce games. Lost that set, 3-6. Not even taking another game in the second set?! -________- Gawd. awful. Bega is pissy now. He's going to make us do hella work tomorrow. He's a douche anyways.

Hmm, I forgot my camera today. fawk. >_>

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Haha, today was funn! Played some tennis with Jay, hung out with Stella with a bit, and chit chatted with Felicia! Haha, stelly is super funnay. You'll never find out! ^^ Cause I don't like anyone!

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Bleh. Nowadays are not so great. Can't even keep a smile on half the time anymore, even if i try. The bond between some of my friends are fading away. This sucks. I guess it's a sign to start studying biology, and focusing on taking that single 4 spot from Adam. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. :x

Sidenote) Woooht! Finish my first video for beginning video [: I hated my whole group though. I produced, directed, and acted in it when i was only suppose to be the editor! Gosh, my camera man was horrible too! He wasn't paying attention at all to the film, and miscallaneous objects always pop up like a head! Gawd, and he had taped over half the film too... -_- EPIC FAIL!

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Haha, I sleep a lot nowadays. Why? Cause I like dreaming. I like the fantasies that my unconscious mind produces. It tells me how i really feel about everything. On life, tennis, people, her. I can deny everything, but I truly understand in the back of my mind it's probably what I really want in this world. I hate it when i wake up in the middle of one, and rush back to sleep to try to see how it plays out. They never continue though. X.X Oh wells. Most of these situations will never happen. Possibly because it can never happen. *I lack confidence and ambition.

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Hmm... I think i'm starting to hate seeing your face everyday. I'm tired of putting to much effort in and having nothing return. I'm gong to stop trying. I'll show you how I alienate myself. Guess it's about time to study for AP biology anyways and concentrate on my tennis. Tata for now?

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It's funny how people can change so much in a relative short time. I laugh. Welps, i needs something to keep me going. Ooo, i enrolled myself into fitness 19. Going to start going there every morning around 5ish-6:20. and after tennis, 4:30-7/8. Gosh, i have so much free time. ^^; Time to start studying for Biology AP! wooht. Oh, feel free to join me in some exercise [: I will be very much pleased, since it'll surely be less boring.

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I think i'm going to quit tennis. [:

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La di da di da. so i decided to blog today. hmm.. So i slept from like 12 am - 5 pm today. So much sleeping, yeah? I dislike the rain with a passion. Rain means no tennis. Bleeh. Dorothy reminded me valentines is coming up D: Should I ask someone this year? hmm :P

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Soo... this is my first blog. umm. I promised Sara i'd make one, and here it is.. I think i have to start blogging every once in awhile too. ._. What do you even do in these stuff?

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